How to Become More Aware of Your Speaking Habits (Without Judging Yourself)
One of the most powerful tools for improving your communication is awareness. But to become aware, you first need to know what to look for — and how to observe it in a way that’s useful rather than critical.
Try Listening Without Watching
In a recent episode of the Diary of a CEO podcast, speaker and coach Vinh Giang shared a valuable tip: record yourself speaking for five minutes, then reflect on the recording — but not by watching and listening at the same time.
Instead, he suggests reviewing your voice in a few different modes — only listening, or only watching body language, or even just reading the transcript. This can help you isolate patterns and behaviors more clearly, without getting overwhelmed by everything at once.
It’s a great tool. But it’s not the only one.
Another Way: Observe Yourself in Real Time
You can also start building awareness without any tech at all. Just choose one aspect of your vocal delivery to pay attention to — and pick a low-stakes conversation to observe it in.
Why low-stakes? Because if you’re trying to focus on something new in a high-pressure conversation, it will likely distract you or throw you off. But with a friend, a colleague, or even in casual small talk, you can begin to notice patterns without any performance pressure.
Here are a few areas to gently tune into:
1. Pausing & Interrupting
Do you pause while speaking?
When do your pauses occur?
How long do they last?
Do you interrupt people — and if so, when?
These are great questions to begin with because they’re subtle, but they say a lot about pacing, presence, and respect in conversation.
2. Tempo (Speed of Speech)
Do you speak very quickly?
Are you slower and more deliberate?
Or do you tend to hover around a moderate pace?
Neither fast nor slow is wrong, but it’s helpful to notice where your default speed sits — and how it lands in different contexts.
3. Musicality & Pitch
Do you speak in a monotone voice?
Do you vary your pitch — moving between high, mid, and low tones?
Does your voice have a musical quality, or does it stay flat?
A voice with varied pitch can signal engagement, emotional range, and emphasis. Flatness isn’t inherently bad — but it may not serve every situation.
4. Volume
Do people seem to struggle to hear you?
Do you notice yourself holding back vocally?
Or do you speak quite loudly — and does it ever seem to create tension?
Volume affects how safe and receptive a conversation feels. Too quiet, and people might stop trying to tune in. Too loud, and they might pull back or avoid engaging fully.
5. Filler Words & Nonverbal Sounds
Do you use a lot of filler words like like, you know, or okay?
Do you make repeated nonverbal sounds like um, uh, or mmm?
Are there phrases or verbal tics you lean on unconsciously?
Again, none of these are inherently “bad.” But noticing them is the first step toward being able to choose when and how you use them.
The Most Important Rule: Observe Without Judgment
This kind of self-observation is not about fixing yourself or finding what’s wrong. It’s about becoming curious.
If you notice something like, “Huh, I interrupt a lot when I’m excited,” or “I tend to drop my volume at the end of a thought,” — great! That’s useful information.
What it’s not is a reason to beat yourself up. There’s no emergency. No one’s going to die if you use filler words. No one’s going to call the fire department if you speak a little too softly.
This is just the first step: noticing.
And from there, if you want to — you can grow, shift, and refine.
Because awareness always comes before change.
Want help learning what to look for — and what to do with what you find?
This is the work I love to do.
Reach out today.